80+ Clean and Hilarious Jokes for Kids That Never Get Old

Why Jokes for Kids Matter

When I was a kid, I could hear a good joke once and repeat it for weeks. I memorized hundreds of jokes and even invented a few of my own. Making people laugh was my favorite thing to do—so much so that I was voted class clown in third grade (yes, I still have proof).

Kids love to laugh. Being silly comes naturally to them. What’s amazing is that humans are the only creatures who truly laugh—and we love sharing that laughter with others.

Laughter boosts energy, strengthens social bonds, reduces stress, and honestly feels better than medicine. That’s why a great joke can turn an ordinary day into a memorable one.

Our Criteria: Clean, Clever, and Funny Jokes Only

There are endless jokes out there, but not all are kid-friendly. For this list, we gathered and created jokes that meet three simple rules:

• They must be clean
  
• They must be clever
  
• And they must be laugh-out-loud funny
  

If you’re looking for even more laughs, be sure to bookmark our collection of 150+ hilarious knock-knock jokes for kids to enjoy later.

80+ of the Best Jokes for Kids

Why was the cell phone afraid of the dentist?
It didn’t want to lose its Bluetooth.

What did the stuttering pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye, aye, matey!

What did one bug say to the other on the windshield?
I bet you don’t have the guts to try that again.

What do dinosaurs and Pluto have in common?
They’re both extinct.

What do you give a scientist with bad breath?
Experi-mints.

Where does a wizard scientist work?
In a labra-cadabratory.

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You’d think it’s R, but X marks the treasure.

What did Benjamin Franklin say when he discovered electricity?
Nothing—he was too shocked.

Why was the Roomba late to class?
It overswept.

Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.

What instrument belongs in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.

What word has five letters and starts with “gas”?
Truck.

What did the husband pen say to the wife pen?
You’re always write.

Which race is never run?
The human race.

What snack do robots love most?
Computer chips.

What’s a calendar’s favorite food?
Dates.

How do crazy people walk through the forest?
They take the psychopaths.

Who makes money by driving customers away?
Uber drivers.

Why didn’t the motorcycle want to hike?
It was two-tired.

What award do dentists dislike the most?
A plaque.

What did the hat say to the head?
I’ve got you covered.

What do you call a medieval lamp?
A knight light.

Why couldn’t the pirate find his cards?
He was standing on the deck.

What did the baby laptop call her dad?
Data.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park?
It’s okay—he woke up.

What do you call a criminal in the North Pole?
A brrr-glar.

Why did the thief shower before robbing the bank?
To make a clean getaway.

What has the head of a man and the tail of an eagle?
A quarter.

What detergent does the ocean prefer?
Tide.

Why can’t a hand be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.

What do lawyers wear to court?
A lawsuit.

Why did the sink ask the toilet if it was okay?
It looked flushed.

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
One says “spit out your gum,” the other says “choo-choo!”

What do you call people who love ceilings?
Ceiling fans.

Why didn’t you understand the ceiling joke?
It went over your head.

What shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers.

Why couldn’t the pirate learn the letter D?
He always got lost at C.

Why was the traffic light late?
It took too long to change.

Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?
It was full.

How much does it cost to pierce a pirate’s ear?
A buck-an-ear.

What animal is always at a softball game?
A bat.

What kind of key doesn’t open locks?
A monkey.

Why was the basketball arena so cold?
Too many fans.

What kind of witch can’t do magic?
A sandwich.

Why did you stop being a vegetarian?
It was a missed steak.

Why is everyone tired on April 1st?
They just finished a 31-day march.

What’s fast and crunchy?
A rocket chip.

Where do people in Antarctica get haircuts?
At the brrr-brrr shop.

Jokes With Rhyming Answers

What do you call a fake snake?
A phony bologna—just kidding, a fake snake!

What do you call an overweight dog?
A round hound.

What kind of party happens in a graveyard?
A grave rave.

What does a ghost eat for dinner?
Ghost roast.

What do you call a furry bird?
A hairy canary.

What do you call a tired tent?
A sleepy teepee.

What do you call a magical iguana?
A wizard lizard.

What do you call a jelly bean on the beach?
Sandy candy.

How do you weigh a whale?
With a whale scale.

What do cows eat?
Cow chow.

What do you call a mean sandwich?
Rude food.

More Kid-Friendly Jokes

What’s the most musical animal?
A fish—they have scales.

What does a desert nurse carry?
A thirst-aid kit.

What did the astronaut tell the reporter?
No comment.

What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

Why do Santa’s elves love hip-hop?
They’re great at wrapping.

How do you get ready for a space party?
You planet.

What kind of party do snails throw?
A shell-ebration.

Why wasn’t the dolphin sorry?
He did it on porpoise.

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.

What’s the biggest moth ever?
A mammoth.

Which country is always rushing?
Russia!

How do you calm a baby astronaut?
You rocket.

What do you give a hunter for his birthday?
A birthday pheasant.

My friend takes the elevator, I take the stairs.
I guess we were raised differently.

What do you call a wet bear?
A drizzly bear.

What do you call someone who can’t stick to a diet?
A desserter.

Can’t Get Enough Jokes?

I hope these jokes made you laugh as much as they made me smile. Which one was your favorite? Let us know in the comments!

If you’re hungry for more laughs, check out our 150+ hilarious knock-knock jokes for kids.